some tunes while you read

serverboss is a silly roguelike shitfest made to look like a trashy mashup of old mod showcases and shitty personal goof mods

OST (also royalty free i dont give a fuck)

silly ikea has all the items in it

there's an entire aisle for the guns btw

heres a massive dump of all the items:

first off tho- rarities

anyway,

ITEMS:

CRACKED

Angel Wings:
- Bonus speed & damage resistance when worn
- Allows user to doublejump mid air
- Superjump by doublejumping while holding shift

World Control Wand:
- Instant kill on any entity when used
- Will break immediately after use
- On miss: hit yourself, idiot

Lovexcalibur:
- Has a primary melee attack mode:
> High damage
> Parries both projectiles and melee attacks
- And a secondary rainbow projectile mode:
> RED: Fire
> ORANGE: Explosive
> YELLOW: Stun
> GREEN: Lifesteal
> CYAN: Tesla
> BLUE: Water
> PURPLE: Virus
> MAGENTA: Psi
> CRIMSON: Charming
> WHITE: Slash
> BLACK: Void

Ikea Ticket:
- On use: teleports the player to The Ikea
- Player can choose any of the items on display
- On pick: player is teleported back where they came from with their chosen item


UNUSUAL

Grappling Hook:
- Sends out a fast grapple hook that sticks to walls and enemies
- Reels in upon impact
- Pulls the user towards the hook
- If the hit entity is lighter than the user, it will be pulled to the user instead
- Can be detached and jumped from prematurely by pressing shift
- If the user detaches from the hook 20+ meters above the ground, they will get an extra style bonus and a shorter grapple cooldown

The Hand:
- Primary fire does a long AOE swipe attack
> Does 40 damage total
> Spreads damage out evenly across all hit entities
> Entities that recieve fatal damage will be erased
- Secondary fire does a short swipe attack
> User will be teleported to the middle of the swipe and flung through it slightly
> Shorter cooldown than primary fire

The World:
- Stops time for everything except the user for 10 seconds
- 20 second cooldown period

The Bucket:
- Secondary fire sucks entities into a bucket-themed pocket dimension
- Living entities need to be on low health to enter the bucket
- Primary fire spits them back out

Anomalous Sponge:
- Primary fire starts an infection on a target entity
> Infection spreads on damage and slowly poisons and debuffs the entity
> Infection will dissipate when the entity stops taking damage for a short period of time
> Infected entity will burst with the virus on death, radius depends on entity weight
- Secondary fire will self-inflict on the user
> Will infect the user if they are healthy
> Will cure the user if they are infected

Gloryhammer:
- Huge fucking hammer
- Smashes enemies into the ground
- Causes a large shar shaped shockwave around the smashed target

Epic Hoe:
- Randomly does one of 3 attacks against the target:
> Nature's Poison: Incurably poisons the target for a short while
> Clobbering Clash: Strong high-damage knockback ground attack
> Like the Wind: Sends the target flying with a gust of wind before slamming them back down and stunning them

The Sunset Sea
- Slowly charges a magic meter while in sunlight
- Can be overdriven up to 500% capacity by certain reactions
- Primary fire performs an AOE solar attack with a small explosion that burns enemies
> Uses up 35% solar power, 80% if overdriven
- Secondary fire performs a self-healing and boosting spell
> Uses up 15% solar power, 35% if overdriven
- Both the secondary fire and the primary fire effects are massively boosted while overdriven past 100%

Bling-Bling Sword:
- Actively despises its current nature
- Automatically fights back
- Has no swing cooldown
- On slash: inflicts soul venom on the target
> Deals damage as a precentage of the target's weight, performing worse on light enemies and shredding heavier enemies
- Caps the max damage the wielder can take while being held to 2


HAUNTED

Devil's Knife:
- Massive clown scythe
- Throwable:
> Will bounce off surfaces, shooting out random card suit projectiles
> Will return to the player after several bounces or after hanging in the air for too long
> Returning from mid-air will also cause lightning to strike down
- Swingable:
> Circular double-layered AOE slash

Mean Axe:
- Similar to the mane ax
- Will automatically fight back
- Stronger
- Can cast a "Red Buster" magic attack
> Similar to the mane ax's "Rude Buster" but deadlier
> Uses up 200% of the tension meter

Devil Wings:
- Uses up fuel meter
- Can perform a massive rocket boost mid air
- Holding shift before gliding allows the player to fly around with a jetpack ability
- Flying too close to the sun will pin you back down hard via an automatic uncontrollable grappling hook

Tesla Stick:
- Medium power electrical arc
- On impact: target entities recieve a medium power tesla chain shock

Gauss Stick:
- Massive electrical power-beam
- On impact: target entities recieve a high power tesla chain shock

Psi Wand:
- Secondary fire selects function, primary fire casts
- PULL:
> Pulls the target entity towards the user
- PUSH:
> Pushes the target entity away from the user
- RISE:
> Disables gravity for the user and adds a little upwards draft to their momentum
- SWAP:
> Swaps positions of the target and the user
- BEAM:
> High damage beam
> If user is holding a card: casts card's ability at the beam impact site, using up the card
- HOLE:
> Creates a massive blackhole
> Sucks in nearby entities
> Sucked entities are transported to none other than the bucket's pocket dimension
> After a few seconds the blackhole explodes and spews out all entities inside
- Holding shift before gliding allows the player to fly around with a jetpack ability
- Flying too close to the sun will pin you back down hard via an automatic uncontrollable grappling hook

Twisted Sword:
- High damage
- Inflicts bleed if the target is a heavy enemy or if the user is low on health
- Can backstab, dealing increased damage and piercing any resistances

Thorn Ring:
- Rapidly increases tension meter while slowly draining user's health
- Stops increasing tension or draining health if user is below 35% heart health
- If at 100% tension, can cast a spell so terrible the user enters a blackout for a few seconds
- Entities in the vague direction of the user seem to freeze in a massive block of ice until it melts

Sopor Pie:
- Heals the player to full health and clubs on consumption
- Player is slow and sluggish while high from its effects
- After a minute or so, player will enter a state of withdrawal, boosting their attack but slowly draining their health and annoying them with clown honks
- Eating it again will reset the high and withdrawal periods
- Infinitely consumable

Skeleton King's Skull:
- Offers projectile damage resistance
- Makes the player immune to collateral damage
- All nearby skeletons will ignore the player and instead fight other entities
- Can throw arrows with bare hands
- All throwables will be thrown harder and further


COLLECTOR'S

Red Glare:
- Fully opaque stylish red glasses
- Blinds the user but reveals all entities nearby in an extra-sensory x-ray fashion

The Captivators:
- Geeky stylish 3d anagylph glasses
- Allows the user to fire 2 types of optic beams while not holding anything
> Red Beam:
>> Weak precision instant laser beam, quick recharge
> Blue Beam:
>> Slow high power laser blast, slow recharge

Converter:
- Allows the user to convert their heart containers into extra spade health
- Converts at a ratio of 1 heart to 3 spades

Rubber Chicken:
- Really fucking annoying screaming rubber chicken toy
- Hitting enemies with it drops their defense in a fit of rage
- Squeaking the toy makes all nearby enemies target the player regardless of obstructions in the way

Chainsaw:
- High damage slash melee
- Alt-fire actually turns the thing on and pins enemies in place while they get shredded
- Continuous alt-fire, consumes fuel while using

Moon Shoes:
- Low-gravity long jump boots
- Hold shift to bring high gravity back while jumping
- Disables any and all fall damage

TNT Boots:
- Explodes beneath the player every time they jump
- Maxxes out any explosive damage taken by the player to 1

Snow Ring:
- Slowly builds up tension while held
- Uses up 16% tension to cast a snow attack that chills enemies and slows them down

Mane Ax:
- Builds up tension based on damage dealt or damage taken
- Can use up 50% tension to cast a magical explosive "Rude Buster" projectile attack
- Turns into the darker "Mean Axe" if tension is overcharged to 200%

Warhammer of Zillyhoo!:
- It's... perfect
- Slams enemies far away, stunning them in the process
- Nearby enemies are charmed and will try to attack the target enemy
- Slow swing speed

Very Loud Icecream:
- Actually dead silent
- The deafening silence will knock far away any nearby enemies
- Useful as a panic button

Basketball:
- Throws a bouncy basketball
- Has 2 firing modes
> Toss
>> Low speed & damage throw with 16 bounces
> Throw
>> High speed & damage throw with 4 bounces
- Locks on to enemies when bouncing
- Fucking ballin'

Abandoned Rose:
- Plants do photosynthesis right?
- Alt-fire sacrifices part of your health in exchange for solar energy
- Hitting entities with this item gives them a form of soul venom which deals damage based on a precentage of their weight

Joker Card:
- I CAN DO ANYTHING!
- Does one of 5 random attacks based on the 4 card suits and the jack card
- Jack card attack is much rarer than the hearts, diamonds, spades or clubs attacks

The Powertool:
- Powerful magical wand
- Has several selectable attack types
> Lightning
>> Summons a heavenly choir which is shortly interrupted by a massive bolt of lightning striking the target area
> Withering
>> Fires a fast wither skull projectile which inflicts withering on all entities caught in its ashen explosion
> Psionic
>> Unleashes a blast of unfocused psionic energy which knocks away any entity that comes near it
> Fireball
>> Fires a rapid burst of 3 explosive fireballs
> Ascension
>> Raises the user high up on a small forcefield platform which shatters in a few seconds
>> If the platform shatters while the user is on it, it will apply a landing cushioning effect

Vampiric Scythe:
- Massive steel scythe
- Huge AOE sweep attack
- Entities hit by the attack will have their lifeforce stolen by the player
- Very slow swing speed

Eldritch Sickle:
- Can parry projectiles, returning them to their sender violently and explosively
- Very fast swing speed

Light Blade:
- Holy blade made from the Father's light
- Slowly accelerates the player as they run without stopping
- Deals damage based on running speed

Cybersword:
- Slowly charges up an insanely high voltage
- Deals damage based on current charge, depletes all charge on hit
- If charge is at maximum capacity of 100,000V, sends out an electric shock through the target entity that causes an arcing chain reaction

Gasoline:
- Pourable gasoline tank
- Can be spilled onto floors or used to coat enemies
- Alt-fire throws a match which lights enemies or gasoline coated floors on fire
- Gasoline coated enemies will instantly ignite if damaged by anything

The Penetrator:
- Magenta jelly dildo bat
- Deals no damage, but knocks back all enemies close to the target entity it hits

Powerdash:
- Amplifies the player's current velocity upon use
- Alt-fire reverses current velocity

The Caledscratch:
- Weird fucked up sword
- Has a chance to break on hit
- Can be rewound back to its unbroken state
- Alt-fire does one of two things depending on state:
> Whole:
>> Will lock a target's hitbox and model in place, however their actual position and AI will continue moving
>> Comparable to separating a target's "soul" from their "body" so to speak
> Broken:
>> Similar function to the Elixir of Warping, but with a longer time interval

Bro's Katana:
- Can parry melee attacks, clashes if two melee parrying wielders hit eachother
- Can blink forwards with alt-fire
- Very fast swing speed

Holy Mackarel:
- Chance to drop ambrosium on hit
- Low cahnce to roll a random critical hit
- Wets entities on hit

The Bling Ring:
- Caps any damage the wielder takes at 2 if in the wearer's inventory

Sentient Sword:
- It hungers for decapitation
- Automatically fights back
- Has no swing cooldown
- Halves the player's heart health capacity while worn
> Returning to another item or empty hand unharmed will keep your health
> Taking damage in this state will halve your current heart health to this amount if overflown

Cage of Wrath:
- Can summon several of one of 3 monster types to help you fight
> Skeletons
> Zombies
> Spiders

The Bible:
- Prays and marks a spot with alt-fire
- Primary fire will perform a lightning attack at the marked spot

Anarchist's Cookbook:
- Throws 8 sticks of dynamite equally spaced horizontally around the player
- Long cooldown

Lord of the Rings:
- Equips the player's missing hand or armor slots with heavy armor and a sword
- Taking any fall damage will break the floor beneath you temporarily
- Immune to knockback in this state
- Will wear off after taking enough damage to break the armor

The Necronomicon:
- Heavy damage to most living entities around the player
- Charms undead entities around the player

Homestuck:
- Temporarily applies one of the star sign effects, either best fit for the situation or if no other is found, a random one
- Player is conditionally immortal for a short period, dying to light enemies or accidental mishaps is prohibited

How I Made $290,000 Selling Books:
- Gambles the player's money, having a chance to double it or a chance to lose most of it

How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands:
- Forces the player into a berzerk mode where their empty hand slot has massively boosted damage and agility

Fork:
- Eats small pieces out of hit enemies, healing the user

Knife:
- Massive damage on backstabs

Spoon:
- Scares nearby entities around your hit target away

The Lantern:
- Slows down all nearby entities

The Rock:
- ???

Dead Ringer:
- If charged: fakes the user's real death and turns them temporarily invisible while giving them extra damage resistance

The Dealmaker:
- Damaging enemies will drop money
- Consumes user's money to shield them from damage

The #1 Crowbar:
- Has no swing cooldown
- Applies no damage cooldown
- Loud

The #7 Crowbar:
- Shatters any item held by the target entity, disarming them

Parcel Gardener:
- Cooldown attack:
> Stun and disorient any entity with a shovel blow to the head
- Deals more damage and knockback based on player's current falling velocity
> Removes all would-be fall damage on succesful
> "Screaming Eagles" bonus on hits from heights 25+ meters above the ground, along with an actual screaming eagle sfx for dramatic effect

Sledgehammer:
- Stuns enemies on hit with heavy blows
- Can be thrown

Zirconium Pants:
- Has a chance to charm enemies around the wearer, consequential enough to slip them into a trance

Chestplate of Repulsion:
- Repels any entity that damages the wearer

Philosopher's Stone:
- Fires magical orbs that do... something? to the entities they hit
- Random effect on hit

Acid Bucket:
- Splashes acid in front of the user
- Splashed entities are coated in acid
- Coated entities will take damage over time, scaling based on how much they've already lost
- Wounds and burning acids don't mix well

Oil Bucket:
- Splashes oil in front of the user
- Oil floats on water
- Alt-fire to cover yourself in oil
- Wait for it to rain

Australium:
- Shiny radioactive metal
- Slightly increases player's attack while in inventory
- Can be used to make certain items

Rewind Shard:
- Records player movement while in inventory, up to a cache of 5 seconds
- Can be activated to slowly rewind the player in time

Replay Shard:
- Records player movement while in inventory, up to a cache of 5 seconds
- Can be activated to repeat previous player movement from their current position

Fire Sword:
- Massive diagonal AOE slash attack that sets enemies on fire
- Very slow swing speed

Ice Sword:
- Diagonal AOE slash attack that chills enemies
- Medium swing speed


COMMUNITY

Aries:
- If the player is about to die: panic-freeze time

Taurus:
- Shoulder-bash-like charge attack, high control mid-air, resulting damage and knockback on impact depends on duration charged

Gemini:
- Levitation on-demand via holding shift mid-air

Ophiuchus:
- Immunity to poison and most debuffs

Leo:
- Increased agility and strength

Virgo:
- Vampiric lifesteal on damage dealt

Libra:
- Will slowly build up the player's money similar to an interest rate

Scorpio:
- Insane luck bonus
- All arachnids and arthropods around the bearer are charmed

Sagittarius:
- Cooldown effect, when damaged: massive burst of arrows fired all around you in every direction

Capricorn:
- Very slow and sluggish
- When taking damage, has a chance to make the player snap into a fit of clownly rage, attack boosted
- Rampage only ends upon killing 10 entities

Aquarius:
- User cannot get wet
- User can breathe underwater

Pisces:
- User has massive buffs and boosts while wet
- User can breathe underwater
- Nearby wet entities will fight dry entities

Cetus:
- Damage dealt will poison entities
- Nearby wet entities may have monstrous fangs try to grasp at them from down below

Sol:
- Bearer can see in the dark
- Special move: gravtiate all nearby entities towards the player

Nullyx:
- Saved from one shot at certain death
- Star sign is removed upon cancelled death

Ouroboros:
- Player cannot die with this item equipped
- At all
- There's no downside


VINTAGE

Pistol:
- Weak simple gun, perfect accuracy though

Assault Rifle:
- Medium firerate rifle

Shotgun:
- Simple shotgun, low fire rate and high spread, fires out a lot of pellets

Super Shotgun:
- Double barreled shotgun, even lower fire rate, even higher spread and even more pellets
- Knocks player back due to recoil

Kitchen Gun:
- Hitscan beam of pressurized water
- Wets hit enemies and knocks them around
- Uncontrollable power-fueled manic laughter!

Minigun:
- Insanely fast fire rate
- Heavy, hard to move while firing
- High recoil can be used as a makeshift jetpack if pointed downwards

Olympia:
- Dragon's breath dual barrel shotgun similar to the super shotgun, lights enemies on fire with flaming pellets

Shotcoil:
- Extreme overloaded shotgun, shoots a ridiculous amount of pellets and knocks the player back very hard
- Insanely long cooldown

Grenade Launcher:
- Shoots heavy grenades in an arc trajectory, explodes on impact, less direct damage but more AOE damage
- Long cooldown

Rocket Launcher:
- Shoots rockets in a straight trajectory, explodes on imapct, less AOE damage but more direct damage
- Long cooldown

S.R.S. Cannon:
- Shoots rockets in a straight trajectory
- Alt-fire charges up a giant cannonball that knocks enemies back and retains its momentum
> Cannonball speed and damage depends on charge
> If fully charged: cannonball will explode on impact with the ground
- Medium cooldown

Freeze-Frame:
- Shoots rockets in a straight trajectory
- Alt-fire freezes rockets in place for up to 5 seconds
- Medium cooldown

Piercer:
- Slightly stronger pistol
- Can charge up a piercing shot via alt-fire

Marksman:
- Slightly stronger pistol
- Can hold up to 4 coins
- Alt-fire will throw a coin
- Bullets can ricochet off of coins and into an enemy weakpoint
- Coin ricochet shots are faster and deal more damage
- Coin shots can be chained
- Coins can be parried for "coin-punches"
> Punched coins will instantly be redirected to the closest enemy's head
> Punched coins will build up damage each time they hit a target

Sharpshooter:
- Slightly stronger pistol
- Can be spun around for a bouncing shot with alt-fire
- Shot increases damage each bounce but decreases in speed
- Charge determines how many bounces the shot can perform
- Has a maximum of 3 stored up bouncing shots that slowly recharge

The Emperor:
- Fires homing shots that blast enemies away

Sniper Rifle:
- Fires very fast pin-point accuracy shots
- Deals increased damage on headshot
- Long cooldown

AR3:
- Precision assault rifle with bouncing bullets
- Medium damage
- Low-medium fire rate

Weezer Terminator:
- They've met their match
- Fires 4 bullets equally spaced apart horizontally
- Low fire rate

Flamethrower:
- Fires a large plume of fire
- Alt-fire will perform an air-blast that pushes entities and reflects projectiles

Electric Railcannon:
- Fires a devastating piercing beam of electricity
- Hit enemies will send out arcs of chain lightning
- Can be redirected and powered up by the marksman's coins

Screwdriver Railcannon:
- Fires a drill projectile
- Drill will stick into enemies and spew blood everywhere
- Spilled blood heals user if close

Malicious Railcannon:
- Fires a large beam that causes a fiery explosion on impact

XVL-1456:
- Informally known as the "Tau Cannon"
- Consumes U235 to operate
- Shoots energy efficient laser beams at 2 units of U235 each
- Can charge up a larger shot which consumes more
> Charged shot damage and recoil scales with charge
> Overcharging will lead to an explosion

Tesla Rifle:
- Shoots out electrical bolts in a spread burst
- On hit: electricity arcs from the target to nearby entities in a chain reaction

Redstone Rifle:
- Shoots out red energy bolts
- Bolts have no gravity and penetrate through entities
- Bolts will mess with map wiring

Napalm Cannon:
- Shoots out a flaming ball of napalm
- Spills napalm over the floor below its trajectory
- Causes a large wall of flames to form below it

Parasonic C3 DNA Scrambler:
- Shoots weak DNA altering pellets
- Targets killed by this weapon burst, turning inside out and releasing an infection based on their weight
- Best used as a finisher

Dubstep Gun:
- Fires a sonic blast that knocks back targets in a massive cone AOE
- Volume (and power) of the blast can be changed
> Yes, it goes up to 11

Bee Gun:
- Fires genetically modified killer homing bees

Microwave Gun:
- Violates all safety regulations by blasting a large nearly invisible microwave beam
- Entities caught in the microwave beam will be set on fire

Pipis Popper:
- Fires... pipis
- Alt-fire charges up a big shot
> Big shot is a huge projectile that causes a large explosion on impact
> While moving, any entity caught in its path will be blasted away
> Slowly accelerates while moving
> Projectile has no gravity

Flammenwerfer:
- Consumes fuel
- Fires a liquid stream of flames
- Alt-fire spills gas droplets
> Gas droplets will coat enemies and leave puddles on the floor

Chaingun:
- Starts off firing very slowly and with poor accuracy
- Gradually tightens spread and increase fire rate as the gun warms up
- Can overheat to the point of litterally firing guns blazing
> Overheating too far will make the wielder catch on fire

Series RCK7-J Explosive Testing Device:
- Rocket launcher that deals zero damage, instead only causing large knockback shockwaves
- Slower rockets
- Low fire rate

Series RCK7-G Implosive Testing Device:
- Rocket launcher that deals zero damage, instead only causing reverse implosive knockback shockwaves
- Slower rockets
- Low fire rate

Nailgun:
- Fires arrows in bursts of three, high range, damage and precision
- Requires and consumes arrows to fire

Beta Bow:
- Fires arrows semi-automatically with no delay
- Less powerful than a regular bow per show
- Requires and consumes arrows to fire

Ethereal Crossbow:
- Ghostly magical projectile that can travel through walls and entities
- Has recoil
- Medium-low fire rate

Ethereal Crossbow:
- Ghostly magical projectile that can travel through walls and entities
- Has recoil
- Medium-low fire rate

Bright Weaponry:
- Hurts player slightly upon firing a burst
- Fires wildly at enemies in sight
- Has a chance to stun on-shot
- Amount of shots varies per burst
- Slight auto-aim
- Medium-high fire rate

BFG-9000:
- Fires a huge fuck-you ball of energy
- Massive explosion on impact, fires 40 invisible equally spaced tracers from the user on impact which deal the actual bulk of damage

Null Rifle:
- Seems to be purple and black, perhaps it wasn't built right?
- Has 3 firing modes, 2 primary firing modes and a devastating alt-fire
> Can switch between primary firing modes by holding shift while trying to fire
>> Dark Energy: Fires beams of repelling dark energy
>> Dark Matter: Fires orbs of attracting dark matter
>> Red Matter (Alt-Fire): Fires an orb of red matter which causes a meltdown in the fabric of reality, pulls everything into it except for the player, burns anything touching the warping flaming dark red ball
java.lang.NullPointerException java.lang.NullPointerException java.lang.NullPointerException java.lang.NullPointerException java.lang.NullPointerException Can't keep up! Did the system time change, or is the server overloaded? Running 9223372036854775807ms behind, skipping 184467440737095516 tick(s)


GENUINE

1-UP:
- Extra life!

3-UP:
- Extra lives!

Starman:
- Invincible ecstasy rush

Crack:
- Litterally crack cocaine
- Massive speed boost, jump boost and extra air control

Pocket Sand:
- Blinds your victims for a brief moment

Pocket ????:
- ?????? your victims for a brief moment

Vial of Hellfire:
- Mysterious vial of liquid that seems to burn, can be splashed onto enemies

Holy Card:
- Protects the user with a holy vow
- Can be stacked to give the user several shields

Holy Card:
- Protects the user with a holy vow
- Can be stacked to give the user several shields

BRICK:
- It's a fucking brick
- You throw it at enemies and it hurts them

Heart Cookie:
- Heart shaped cookie
- Tastes strongly like fruit punch
- Massive heart healing upon consumption

Diamond Cookie:
- Diamond shaped cookie
- Tastes a bit like strawberry milk
- Raises defense upon consumption

Spade Cookie:
- Spade shaped cookie
- Tastes strongly like liquorice
- Extra spade health upon consumption

Clubs Cookie:
- Clubs shaped cookie
- Tastes a bit like dark chocolate
- Triples all edibles in inventory on consumption (that aren't other clubs cookies)

Dynamite:
- Throwable boomstick

Holy Dynamite:
- No-grav throwable boomstick
- Choir sings on hit
- Smites all nearby entities

Nuclear Dynamite:
- Sticky throwable boomstick
- Glues itself to enemies or surfaces and starts slowly counting down
- When the timer reaches 0 it unleashes a massive mushroom cloud explosion
- Has radioactive fallout post-explosion

Arming Dynamite:
- Fast & heavy throwable boomstick
- Arms all hit entities in armor and double swords
- Makes them all start infighting

Glass Dynamite:
- Fragile throwable boomstick
- Temporarily encases all hit enemies in a block of glass

Jumper's Dynamite:
- Soft plushie throwable boomstick
- Does no damage
- Massive knockback to both the wielder and enemies

Midas Dynamite:
- Shiny throwable boomstick
- Litterally just fucking pickpockets enemies wow that's low I'm not even gonna lie

Reaction Dynamite:
- Weird fun throwable boomstick
- Splits apart into multiple "chemical dynamite" sticks
> Chemical dynamite explodes into a noxious poison gas cloud
- Has a chance to split back into itself for a chain reaction each time it explodes

Hearts Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shoots out heart projectiles that heal the user upon hitting an enemy

Diamonds Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shoots out heavy diamond projectiles that lower the enemy's base defense

Hearts Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shoots out a thin rapidfire burst of spade projectiles aiming towards the closest entity that deal damage

Clubs Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shoots out a slow spread burst of triplet clubs projectiles aiming towards the closest entity that deal damage

Jack Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shoots out ...horseys??? in a cross shape around the player
- Horsey projectiles strike lightning on impact

King Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Spawns falling lovexcaliburs above nearby enemies that deal more damage the less health they have

Queen Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Spawns falling world control wands above nearby enemies that deal more damage the more health they have

Void Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Teleports the player to the void
- Automatically warps them back after a few seconds, with an offset based off the movements they took in the void

Blank Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Teleports the player to the void
- Player can return at any time by using the card again

Reversed Card:
- Magic playing card!
- Shuffles all main suit cards in the player's inventory, per stack

Ambrosium:
- Shiny gem
- Can be eaten, restores health
- If at heart health limit: will instead add extra spade health

Flashbang:
- Throwable loud explosive that blinds nearby entities for a few seconds

24k Potato:
- Gilded gonad that sticks to surfaces
- Safely bouncess off of other 24k potatoes or entities
- Arms itself after a brief moment and starts ticking
- Proximity mine, explodes the moment something comes close to it

Stickybomb:
- Bomb that sticks to walls and entities

Jarate:
- Jar of piss, splashes and coats enemies nearby on impact
- Coated enemies recieve 35% more damage, pierces through any resistances

Mad Milk:
- Jar of cum, splashes and coats enemies nearby on impact
- Damaging coated entities will heal the player by 35% of the damage dealt

Nitroglycerin:
- Jar of nitroglycerin, splashes and coats enemies nearby on impact, however has a chance to just explode
- Damaging coated entities will blow them up

Durian Nailbomb:
- A durian that explodes and fragments into tons of little durian nails
- Enemies hit by nails will absorb them and have a damage multiplier applied to them, scales based on amount of nails
- Nailed enemies will burst on death, making all their absorbed nails fly everywhere

Poison Apples:
- Throwable poisoned apples
- They release a noxious cloud of poison on impact

Incendiary Pineapple:
- Throwable flaming pineapple
- Makes a large flaming puddle on the floor on impact

Concussive Banana:
- I'm honestly not sure how you'd even fit explosives inside this thing
- Disorients and stuns enemies on hit, massive knockback but little to no damage

Cluster Grapes:
- Throwable large grapes
- Explodes on impact and splits into 9 medium grapes
> Explode on impact and split into 9 small grapes each
>> Weak explosion on impact

Beta Chop:
- Instant eating
- Cannot be stacked
- Directly heals the player instead of restoring clubs, weaker effect

Beta Steak:
- Instant eating
- Cannot be stacked
- Directly heals the player instead of restoring clubs, stronger effect

Pipis:
- Throwable... blue... thing?
- Steals money from target on impact

Elixir of Vitality:
- Increases maximum heart health

Elixir of Corruption:
- Adds extra spade health

Elixir of Detonation:
- Primes the player to explode in 3-4 seconds
- Player is unharmed by the explosion but surrounding entities are affected

Elixir of Dispelling:
- Removes all effects from the player

Elixir of Warping:
- Marks a waypoint upon consumption
- After 4 seconds, player is teleported to this waypoint
- After another 4 seconds, player is warped back

Elixir of Invulnerability:
- Self-explanatory

Elixir of Weightlessness:
- Disables gravity for the player temporarily

Elixir of Overdrive:
- Massive speed boost
- Disables all damage cooldowns from the player, allowing them to rush attacks
- Overcharges certain item energy meters

Elixir of Charisma:
- Makes nearby enemies fight for the player

Elixir of Famishing:
- Drains the player's hunger bar rapidly

Elixir of Deluge:
- Makes every nearby enemy wet, drowns already wet enemies

Elixir of Inebriation:
- Stunts the player's motor function, causing them to sway around uncontrollably while walking
- Sickening nausea effect
- Ends with an automatic acid vomit attack which alleviates the player's insobriety

Elixir of Brutality:
- Massively increased melee & explosive damage
- Gib enemies
- Gain a short statboost on kill
- You HAVE to kill, satisfy your primal urges

Elixir of Nirvana:
- Immunity to all knockback

Elixir of Heritage:
- Dying while the effect is active causes you to retain all your items on your next run

Elixir of Corsucation:
- Builds up a static charge on the player via movement which discharges to nearby or hit entities

Elixir of Cryomania:
- Causes the player to be extremely cold to the touch, chilling dry enemies and freezing wet ones

Elixir of Blazing:
- Lights the player straight up on fucking fire!
- Make like a star and burn everyone, your hellfire is contagious via touch
- Slight fire damage resistance
- Blazing will only be quenched once manually extinguished, don't hope for a miracle here, use with caution

Elixir of Freedom:
- Player takes massively increased knockback
- Highly increased air mobility
- High explosion resistance

Elixir of Xerox:
- Creates an allied clone of the player which lasts for a short period

Elixir of Phantasmagoria:
- Causes the player and nearby mobs to hallucinate
- Also causes the player's sanity to plummet

Elixir of Pandora:
- Rolls a random elixir effect and two potion effects

Seraph Eye:
- Throwable explosive eyeball
- Penetrates entities, explodes on each hit entity

Toaster:
- Placeable toaster
- Shoots out burning hot toast when triggered
- Sends out arcs of chain lightning when submerged in water

Toast:
- Yummy

Kavruka:
- Organic improvised explosive
- Targets up to 8 enemies in the blast radius
- Heavy shrapnel will hit enemies one at a time


STRANGE

Celestial Claw:
- Fires miniature planets that explode on hit
- Consumes 20 kill-mana

Blood Bucket:
- Heals player by tapping into literal blood in a bucket
- Consumes 5 kill-mana per heart


UNIQUE

Glass Sword:
- High damage
- Has a chance to shatter in the user's hand on attack or hit

Fireaxe:
- Deals extra damage to burning targets
- Extinguishes target on hit
- Gives user a brief speedboost on extinguish

Holy Sword:
- Chance to drop ambrosium on hit

Fembuoy(sic) Armor:
- Entire armor set (helmet, chestplate, leggings, boots)
- Offers increased magic damage resistance


DECORATED

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC / TRIUMPH UPON APOLLYON UNDER RECONSTRUCTION!!!:
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track

MUSIC DISC /
- Can be inserted into a jukebox to play the linked track


NORMAL

Normal items encompass the entirety of the vanilla selection of items so they won't be listed here




did i mention you can fight shit too

ENEMIES:


MACROBOSS:

Skeleton King:
HP: 350
SPEED: 65%
- Adaptive behavior, switches between used items depending on player actions:
> Close range:
>> Sword (If target is exposed)
>> Axe (To break, if target is shielded)
>> Cage of Wrath (If at low health)
> Medium range:
>> Beta Bow & Circlestrafing (If target is vulnerable)
>> Close range behavior, chance to use a Cage of Wrath to spawn enemies as backup (If holding a projectile parrying item)
>> Dynamite (If at low health)
> Long Range:
>> Predicting crit crossbow shots (If target is far away horizontally)
>> Grappling hook (If target is far away vertically)
>>> I know what you're thinking, but no, you can't escape
>>> Making him miss will only make him grapple to the wall right behind you :)
> Special:
>> Cage of Wrath (Chance to happen if very low on options due to player gameplay)
>> Sickle (Parries projectiles if spammed at)
- Charms all nearby mobs, immune to infighting
- Monologues before going for one last suicide bombing attempt on defeat


MINIBOSS:

Sans:
huh
nononoo pause for a sec
what the fuck do you mean they added sans to serverboss
ok i guess we're rolling with it then
HP: 1
SPEED: 40%
- Will dodge attacks and avoid damage, go ahead and try to hit him if you're able
- Maximum of 20 dodges before he can be killed, now you know that mercy's off the table
- Can spawn white bone projectiles in a pattern around him
> Rapidly deal damage to the target while touching them
- And blue bone projectiles aimed at the target
> Similar to white bone projectiles, however they only damage the target if it's moving


HEAVY:

Skeleton Prince:
HP: 150
SPEED: 64%
- Basically a lighter, non-boss variant of the aforementioned Skeleton King
- No access to spawning enemies or grappling hooks
- Slower mid-range fire rate
- Explodes instantaneously upon death

Axemachine:
HP: 100
SPEED: 65%
- Uses an axe in close range combat, otherwise uses rapid-fire beta bow shots at mid-long range
- Stunned by critical hits
- Resistant to explosive damage

Soviet Hussar:
- Two-parter!
- HUSSAR:
> HP: 40
> DEF: 3
> SPEED: 100%
- HORSE:
> HP: 40
> SPEED: 100%
- (TOTAL HP: 80 w/ 3 DEF)
- Very fast & decently tanky, but only uses melee
- Removing the horse might have the side-effect of leaving you with an even smaller target that still has the same speed and health
- Aim for the knight in shining armor instead


MEDIUM:

Statues:
HP: 40
SPEED: 60%
- Quickly freeze in place and become invulnerable once spotted
- Will not move or become vulnerable until you have your back turned
- All* projectiles will bounce off of them
- Will summon a homing projectile if their target is unreachable and their back is turned
- Parrying their *projectile back into them will instantly kill them
- Explode into a flurry of gore on death

Knight Zombie (Sword):
HP: 30
DEF: 9
SPEED: 55.2%
- Will attempt to bash the player's fucking skull in with their sword
- Attack can be parried heavily with anything
- Can parry player attacks
- Damage pierces most resistances and defense

Knight Zombie (Axe):
HP: 30
DEF: 9
SPEED: 46%
- Will attempt to charge the player with their axe and shield
- Can be interrupted by damaging them mid charge to shut them down
- Can temporarily break the player's armor

Trolldier:
HP: 35
SPEED: 42%
- Some fucking moron with a pot on his head
- Will rocket jump towards the player then attempt to hit a "market garden" with the Parcel Gardener
- Makes a screaming eagle sound at the peak of its arc
- If it misses the garden attempt, it will instead cause a deadly shockwave upon landing, based on the fall distance
- Cannot take fall damage

Soviet Grunt:
HP: 40
SPEED: 50%
- Will talk about how it fucked your mom last night
- Tends to carry either a rifle or a shotgun
> Rifle gunners are easy to avoid by sidestepping
> Shotgunner sightlines should be treated with generous respect
- Ridiculously prone to infighting, will instantly counterattack any threat
- Will call for backup if hurt (which might end up causing a bar-fight more than it does teamwork)
- Ragequits on death

Hive Zombie:
HP: 20
SPEED: 46%
- High chance to summon between 1-3 killer bees when damaged
- Rapid-fire weapons are a critical error here, each shot will spawn a new set of bees
- Use high single burst damage weapons instead to minimize the amount of apian mishaps


SUPPORT:

Haunted Knight Suit:
HP: 1
SPEED: 0%
- Makes an enemy invulnerable to any damage
- Long beam of blue fire connects it to the enemy, for conveniently easy tracing
- Can be destroyed in a single hit
- Bursts on destruction, blasting all nearby entities away in a concussive shockwave

Seraph:
HP: N\A
SPEED: N\A
- Immune to any form of damage
- Will parry any projectile attacks and send them flying back at the shooter
- Slowly approches its target while hovering above them
- Will charge up an explosive beam attack, but can easily miss as it locks on too soon
- Can be grabbed by the player via right-clicking to give them a Seraph Eye
- Toss that motherfucker like a holy handgrenade

Shadows:
HP: N\A
SPEED: 62.5%
- Will only exist while looking at them
- Fizzle in one hit
- Weak attack, however they will greatly debuff the player with it

Banner Zombie:
HP: 20
SPEED: 46%
- Buffs certain surrounding enemies
- Spawns zombies if there are no enemies upon its arrival
- Will hide behind the furthest enemy in the back to avoid being damaged

Soviet Medic:
HP: 20
SPEED: 50%
- Personally involved with a toxic relationship with atleast one of the closeted grunts
- Will attempt to heal soviet grunts and hussars however will fight back with bitchslaps if targeted
- Will rarely be somewhat pervy in chat
> This can sometimes result in domestic abuse which you can take advantage of during fights as they will literally kill their only fucking healers

Killer Bee:
HP: 10
SPEED: 60% (Varies by spawn case)
- Homing killer bees
- Self-destruct after a few seconds
- Artificially agressive!
- Inflict poison on hit
- Deal increased damage compared to regular bees
- Will not target their spawner

Bloater:
HP: 20
SPEED: 46%
- Bursts with acid on death, splashing nearby entities